she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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