I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
