Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
