I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
