I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
