i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
