So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
