it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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