I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
you made out with another girl for some wings
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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