Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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