I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
