I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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