IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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