the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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