somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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