Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize