I bet he comes in French.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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