You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
