I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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