I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
