I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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