I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
