I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
In America we eat man semen.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
