??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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