I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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