Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
