so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
