So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize