the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
