Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
