If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
