Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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