To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
God I need to hump something, right now.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
