NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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