I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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