I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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