white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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