i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
