Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
