Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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