wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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