the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize