Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
