omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
