I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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