I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
