He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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