Who wears a wallet chain?!
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
