weddingsv make me drug and hornr
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Buhtt sex?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
