We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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