had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
4 words: hood of his car
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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