I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
