she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
