I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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