Non-Jews are for practice
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
