I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
