he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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