making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
