i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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