and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
