he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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