so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
