You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
As shirtless as possible
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
