but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
