you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
