After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
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