I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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