i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
