I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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