I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
