just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
