we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
