I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
