yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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