drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
