actually, I'm a sock model
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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